


Our Journey

by ChrisRenHeb



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:07:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisRenHeb/pseuds/ChrisRenHeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamapi recalls how they got to this point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Journey

I have been thinking about the past lately. About how we got to this place and how it all began. When I first met you I thought you were so quiet and also kind of cute in a homely way. You and your big eyebrows, I smile at the memory. Jin thought the sun rose and set with you, I didn’t understand then but I do now.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself not to be a jerk but the past can not be changed, as I know in the moments of your pain you would have rejected being an idol. You would’ve kept on with your first love - baseball and I would’ve lost the most precious person in my life.

When I look back I see my stupidity in the jealousy and confusion I had. We hung out, we each had a friendship with Jin in common and yet we were not friends. We all were young and I was so clueless. Between the seniors and juniors, everyone in my mind seemed to love you. I felt myself building a very thick wall between us. I deceived myself into believing it was because I disliked you, didn’t care about you and yet my heart clenched and still clenches whenever I see some of your dangerous stunts above the fans heads. At the time I ignored my heart at all costs.

Even as I didn’t acknowledge or talk to you, I watched you and Jin had become my way of getting information on what you were up to. Laughing to myself now, I remember how addicted I was to (as I called it Jin’s drama) Gokusen 2. I recorded all of the episodes, my excuse to myself was being Jin’s best friend I have to support him and yet he wasn’t the one I watched. Your talent never failed to jump out at me. And yet even as my heart yearned I still ignored it.

In an instant it all changed, Johnny told us we had the lead roles for “Nobuta wo Produce” and as our standoffish relations were noticed we were told to correct it before filming started. Several days of trying to get reacquainted we were again called in to Johnny’s office. The news he gave devastated you, a temp unit between us for the drama before you had been able to debut with your group. I knew how you felt and I wished it would turn out better than what had happened to my previous group. I walked with you to your dressing room in silence knowing what was going to happen next. As I feared, it happened. As soon as you, so quietly, told your members they turned on you as if you were a traitor in their eyes. Jin was silent as they verbally attacked you, his eyes registering pain but not anger. He then looked at me as if saying to take you away from this. Even in his pain he wanted to protect you. I grabbed your arm and led you out. You did not even protest while I dragged you to NEWS’ room with your silent tears falling down your unnaturally pale cheeks.

As days went by and our days as co-stars began I tried to watch out for you and yet you kept getting more tired and a lot thinner. The other members were shunning you and my best friend was stuck in a void of sadness and pain. While he tried to decide if he wanted to remain in the industry or just quit, I tried my best to take care of you. We got through it. Our relationship did change for the better but I still could not bring myself to tell you how I really felt.

Then my world crashed twice, I failed as the leader of my group. Uchi’s scandal hit first and spread like a wildfire in the news. His suspension was a blow to my heart. I tried so hard to be positive, to keep going and almost succeeding when the second disaster struck, Kusano. I truly cried when I heard. As a result my whole band was on an extended hiatus. As I was “Yamapi” I was not allowed to break down. The alternative was……keep working. Yours and Jin’s messages kept me going. Seeing the care and concern in your eyes lifted me up from the emotional depths I was falling into. I became able to function normally as I began to believe we will be back, my band and I.

My happiness burst for you when KAT-TUN finally debuted. Everything was finally turning around for us both. We were short-sighted but who could have foreseen our, yours and mine, new hurt. Our Jin left. Did we not understand how unhappy he had been? So dissatisfied he had become. Were we so focused on ourselves we didn’t see, hear or recognize? I thank god you were still there and that you were beside me. Commiserating over quick lunches turned into dinner dates and movie nights at each others places.

I know you were nervous about seeing Jin again, hurt that he left but also guilty for not realizing what he needed or had been feeling. You told me what transpired when you came back from the States. I was so glad, KAT-TUN needs Jin and Jin needs KAT-TUN.

I feel that you have accomplished so much. As I keep thinking back and have watched you over the years, you amaze me. You captivate people, hold them together without ever perceiving that you are doing it. I don’t know if you see how much I love you but I make sure to tell you everyday as I hold you in my arms.

“Kazu---”  
“Hmmm?” he replies sleepily.  
“I love you.” he whispers into the others ear.  
“Thank you for loving me, I thank god you are here with me everyday. I love you, Tomohisa,” he smiles softly as he replies and tugs his love tighter into his arms and once again drifts off to sleep.


End file.
